SecNav's Revenge
by fredesrojo
Summary: Or...Why Leroy Jethro Gibbs should never, ever enter in one of Tony's bets.
1. Author's Note

_**A/n:**_

_**I don't even KNOW where this thing came from. Seriously. **_

_**I'm not even going to be offended if no one reads this thing. It's that crazy.**_

_**Okay. So, um…this is a crack! Fic. No other way to describe it. **_

_**Just…read if you dare.**_

_**-meg.**_


	2. Story

"Tequila, straight up." Gibbs leaned against the bar with a weary sigh, tugging distastefully at the collar to his tux, ignoring the inquisitive looks from one red-headed agency Director. "No, more. More…more…that'll do." He grabbed the nearly overflowing glass, downing it in two gulps.

"Jethro, what the hell are you doing?"

"I am definitely not drunk enough to be having that conversation, Direc--tor. Another." He caught the second glass of tequila as it slid down the bar, throwing it back quickly.

"Seriously, Jethro, what the hell? You don't drink tequila, you drink bourbon."

"Not when I wanna get drunk I don't." His reply was muffled somewhat by the rim of his third glass.

Jenny Shepard stared as Tony DiNozzo, Timothy McGee, and Tobias Fornell joined Jethro at the bar, each ordering a strong drink. Fornell spoke up after a minute. "This is the last damn time I listen to your advice, DiNutso."

Tony rolled his eyes and downed his drink, waving off the grunts of agreement from McGee and Gibbs. "Ah, c'mon, it can't be _that_ bad."

"Clearly, Tony, all those headslaps over the years damaged your brain. Or, maybe, you were just born that way."

Jenny winced sympathetically for Tony at McGee's scathing remark. Evidently drinks and whatever this was the men were all dreading brought out the nasty side in Timothy McGee. "What's going on?"

"Oh, believe me, Direc—tor, you'll see soon enough." Gibbs threw back his fourth tequila, his gaze focused in a death glare on DiNozzo.

"Ah, come on, Boss, I said I was sor—"

Jethro's voice became positively dangerous. "_Don't_ apologize."

"Well it wasn't my fault!" DiNozzo sounded petulant, muffling his reply in his drink.

"Not your…_not your fault_? Hell, DiNozzo, this couldn't _get_ any more your fault." Fornell and McGee evidently agreed, if their nods and glares were anything to go by.

"How was I supposed to know she already had a boyfriend?"

"_You're an INVESTIGATOR, for chrissakes!"_Gibbs looked absolutely murderous now, his blue eyes flashing.

"Well, you didn't _have_ to enter in my pool."

Jenny was distracted from hearing the rest of the conversation by the appearance of SecNav himself. He flicked an amused glance at the agents sitting clustered around the bar. "Good evening, Director Shepard."

"Mister Secretary, sir, it's wonderful to see you. I, ah…I wasn't aware you were coming this evening."

An almost imperceptible smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth as he continued watching the group at the bar. "Oh, I have a little…something to take care of." He raised his voice slightly, projecting it over her shoulder at the bar. "Agent DiNozzo! How _wonderful_ to see you."

Tony went ghost white. "M—Mister Secretary, s—sir." This greeting came out more like a squeak.

"Emily says hello. She was _terribly_ sorry she couldn't meet up with you for drinks, her _fiancée_ had reservations at Palena for dinner."

Tony made a noise that sounded vaguely like a strangled 'eep', blushing red from his collar to the roots of his hair.

"Anyways, it was nice seeing you, Agent DiNozzo." SecNav smiled politely at Jenny, turning to leave again. "Oh, and Jethro?"

Gibbs jumped slightly, surprised. He turned to face SecNav, his face unreadable. "Yes sir?"

"I'd advise you next time _not_ to enter in Agent DiNozzo's betting pools."

Gibbs inclined his head in a slight nod, allowing a small smile to twitch at his lips. "No sir. Won't happen again."

"I should hope not. You'll still be joining the other ah…members of Anthony's pool for our little _surprise_, correct?"

The smile vanished as Gibbs turned a glare on his miscreant senior Special Agent. "Yes, sir."

"Good." SecNav smirked enigmatically, setting a gentle hand against Jenny's shoulder. "Lovely seeing you, Jenny."

Jenny murmured a polite goodbye before she turned back to the four at the bar. "Jethro, what is going _on_?"

"You really, really don't wanna know."

"Yes I do."

"Well, then, I really, really don't wanna tell you." Gibbs rotated on his barstool, signaling to the bartender for another drink.

"Really, Jethro, you can't sit here the whole damn time and get plastered."

"Oh, we won't be, Director Shepard." Fornell spoke up from where he sat nursing what looked like a glass of vodka."We'll definitely be out…_entertaining_ people soon enough."

McGee threw back a shot of tequila, muttering under his breath. "Oh, we'll be entertaining, alright."

Gibbs mumbled something vague in agreement, snapping another angry gaze DiNozzo's way.

Jenny shrugged her shoulders, giving up on getting a straight answer out of the men, when she twigged on something SecNav had said. "Hold on a minute…Emily? As in, SecNav's twenty-something _daughter_ Emily?"

Tony groaned, leaning forward to pillow his head on his arms. "Yeah…"

"You tried to get a date with her, didn't you? And you made a pool out of it."

"Yep. DiNozzo seemed to think he had a chance, and we were all stupid enough to believe him."

Jenny dissolved into a fit of extremely un-Director-like giggles, leaning against the bar. "You're kidding me. You idiots bet that DiNozzo could get a date with Emily?"

"No, most of us actually bet that he _couldn't_, but that's neither here nor there. Everyone involved in the pool is being punished by SecNav. 'Everyone', incidentally, being the majority of the male Federal Agents attending this shindig."

"You're kidding."

"No, ma'am, we aren't, unfortunately." McGee threw back another shot of tequila.

All four men let out disgruntled groans as one of SecNav's aides approached, smiling politely. "He said it's time. You're all to head off into that alcove there, please."

"I'm going to _kill_ you, DiNozzo, when this is over." Jethro's voice held all the evidence of a real threat as he glared at his miscreant senior agent.

Tony ducked his head and followed Gibbs meekly. Jenny watched as the majority of the men in the room slipped out as discreetly as possible, looking absolutely miserable.

"Jenny, do you have any idea what is going on?" Mossad liason Officer Ziva David's accented voice cut across her concentration.

Jenny shrugged, inclining her head towards the alcove. "Apparently, we're to get some 'entertainment', courtesy of SecNav."

"Erm…and is it custom, here, for the, ah…entertainment to be provided by a large group of Federal Agents?"

"Well…generally, no. But, these Federal Agents managed to ah…well, piss SecNav off. So…" Jenny lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "I don't know."

"Hm." Ziva shrugged, leaning against the bar next to Jenny. "Well, then, I suppose we should just enjoy the entertainment, yes?"

Jenny's lips quirked in a smirk. "Oh, I definitely will be."

"Why is that?"

The smirk morphed into an evil grin. "Well…a certain silver-haired boss of yours just so happens to be part of our entertainment for the evening."

"Wait…Gibbs is a part of this?"

"Tony, McGee, and Fornell, too."

Ziva's tanned face promptly creased in a wide smile. "Oh, I think I will most definitely enjoy this entertainment also."

A roar of laughter stopped their conversation dead, as the majority of the people in the room turned towards the alcove.

'Very' Special Agent Anthony D. DiNozzo stood in a skintight green spandex suit with a large alien mask covering most of his face. In a word, he looked positively ridiculous. The patrons of the event stood around him, pointing and laughing hysterically.

There was a click, and then the screech of feedback that cut through the chatter in the room before it was silenced, SecNav's gruff baritone being broadcast throughout the room. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I do hope you'll forgive the intrusion, but there's a group of gentlemen here this evening to provide us with some lovely entertainment. So, without any further ado, I'll leave the floor to Mister Smith here."

Jenny turned towards the podium, conveniently situated next to the alcove where Tony stood, her gaze quizzical. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What? Who is Mister Smith?" Ziva nudged Jenny's arm, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Jenny, who is this Mister Smith?"

Jenny stood dumbfounded, staring as the Grammy winning rapper Will Smith stepped up to the podium, giving SecNav a winning smile as he grabbed the mic. "Evening, ladies and gents! We've got some world-class entertainment here, courtesy of Agent DiNozzo over there, so, sit back and enjoy, ya'll!"

Will jumped down off the podium, walking over to Tony as the beginning strains to his song "Nod Ya Head" began to issue through the speakers; the men from the alcove began slipping back into the room, each one wearing black sport sunglasses. The men took up an 'at-ease' stance around Tony, nodding their heads in time with the music as Will took a deep breath and launched into the first verse.

_I'm comin'... I'm comin'... I'm comin'... I'm comin'…__  
__I am the man in black I'm back__  
__Breaking the back of the random attackers__  
__So can the flak__  
__Yo Im dangerous__  
__I've been trained to bust__  
__When a stranger fuss try to endanger us__  
__Praise me y'all__  
__Dont nothing faze me y'all__  
__When they see me their gaze be all crazy y'all__  
__They say I'm a myth__  
__Trust me if somebody riff__  
__Out of the depth of your imagination appears Will Smith_

Tony still stood in the middle of the circle of men, looking utterly foolish and extremely confused, if the expression on what Jenny and Ziva could see of his face were anything to go by.

_Black suit, the black shades, the black shoes__  
__black tie with the black attitude…_

Will rapped off each clothing item, the men snapping to different poses to showcase their clothing, drawing whoops and catcalls from their audience.

_New style black Ray-Bans__  
__I'm stunning man__  
__New hotness pitch black six hundred man__  
__Don't you understand?__  
__What you thought I wouldnt come again?__  
__Leave you hanging without bringing you the fun again?__  
__Tangling with the alien scum again?__  
__Mind your manners or the black suits runnin in_

The grouped men began dancing, remarkably well choreographed, as Will launched into the chorus, practically headbanging to the beat of the song. Jenny's attention was drawn to three men grouped near her and Ziva, her face breaking into a wide smile as she watched Tobias Fornell, Timothy McGee, and Leroy Jethro Gibbs dancing along to the song remarkably well. She nudged Ziva with an elbow, smirking slightly as she jerked her head towards the dancing agents.

Will was already launching into the next verse of the song, which quickly revealed Tony's part in this whole spectacle.

_Check it__  
__Yo , so it's this dude, right__  
__DiNozzo, making me sick right__  
__Girls is worthless to him, he be tripping like__  
__Flirtin' with Emily when she's got a man__  
__Trying to get a night__  
__Thinking he's a superman_

The dancing agents began to descend on Tony, cracking their knuckles menacingly. Tony was soon surrounded by a pack of angry highly trained Federal Agents, obviously out for blood.

_But black kryptonite, finishing whatever you start son__  
__The best looking crime fighter since myself in part one__  
__Better act right and play nice and sing along__  
__'Cause K is back and he hype__  
__What? Bring it on!__  
__Uhh, Wanna brawl with me? Trying to brawl with me?__  
__Uhh Uhh What What__  
__Yo... what what... then... lemme... see you... just...__  
__Come on... just come on and.._

The men quickly jumped back to their places, leaving a trussed up Tony lying in the middle of the room as Will launched into a second chorus, beginning their dancing again to loud cheers from the audience. By now, many of the people in the room were dancing along to the song, cheering and laughing with the dancing agents.

Will grinned, setting a foot on Tony's shoulder as he began the final verse, motioning to Gibbs, Fornell, and McGee to come lift the trussed agent up into the air like a prize pig. The three agents gladly did so, parading Tony around the room throughout the third verse, wide and vindictive grins creasing their faces.

_Check it, Check it__  
__Yo, case closed__  
__Erase my foes__  
__Chased away by the black suits, shades, and clothes__  
__We above the law__  
__Feds can't touch me y'all__  
__Highly ranked black blank I.D. card__  
__So disregard what you think you saw__  
__Put that phone down now__  
__Who you think you calling huh?__  
__One little flash then good night dear__  
__Just open your eyes honey look right here__  
__Thank you mission completed__  
__I mean it we won't be defeated__  
__You seen it we did it even with weapons depleted__  
__Galaxy defenders don't act like you don't remember__  
__Taking contenders and proving they only pretenders__  
__Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls__  
__The Men In Black is back to protect the world__  
__When the enemy is near the elite is here__  
__So have no fear just let me see you_

Tony was dropped unceremoniously on the stage as the final chorus began, the agents dropping back into line to complete their last dance. Will vaulted back up on stage, pulling a few of the agents up with him, Gibbs, McGee and Fornell included, launching into the final bridge of the song.

_Yo, Yo__  
__If you wanna rock then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__Tell me if you wanna rock then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__If you wanna rock then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__Come on if you wanna rock then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__Yo if you wanna bop then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__Tell me if you wanna rock then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__If you wanna nod then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__Tell me if you wanna rock then say (Ooo-oh!)__  
__Ha!_

The men shouted out after each line in a call and response, pulling the whole audience in with them, snapping back to attention as the song ended.

SecNav smirked down at Tony's hog-tied form as he walked back up on stage, clapping heartily for the agents. He accepted the mic from Will with a smile, shaking his hand vigorously. "Well, I think we can all say that that was an excellent performance. Thank you, very much, Mister Smith. I'd also like to give all of these hardworking Agents who gave up their days off for the past two weeks to learn the choreography a round of applause." He paused as the room erupted into cheers and applause for the dancers, smiling and clapping Gibbs on the back a few times. He waited until the room quieted again, before resuming his speech. "And, I'd also like to extend a thank you to Agent DiNozzo here, without whom this event never would have happened." He grinned as the room filled with laughter, nudging Tony's shoulder lightly with his foot. "Thank you all for coming tonight. I'll let you get back to the festivities now."

Jenny leaned back against the bar, watching as Gibbs, McGee, and Fornell left the stage and headed back over to the bar, leaving Tony to be untied by some of the other agents.

Jethro pushed the shades up on the top if his head, sitting down at the bar with a long sigh. McGee and Fornell sat next to him, all three looking tired as hell.

"I was not aware that you could dance, Gibbs. Or you, McGee." Ziva seemed to be holding back her laughter with difficulty.

"Me neither, Jethro." Jenny unsuccessfully tried to smother her grin, sliding a tumbler full of bourbon to him.

"Yeah, well…" His smart retorts seemed to fail him as he sighed, throwing back the tumbler of bourbon rapidly. He shook his head, rubbing his temples tiredly. "Whatever."

"Oh, do not get me wrong, McGee, I find it rather…attractive that you know how to dance." Ziva set a beer in front of McGee, giving him a small smile. Tim flushed red a moment, taking a quick gulp of beer to hide his embarrassment. Ziva smiled wider and leaned a little closer, making sure to brush up against his arm. "Would you like to dance, Tim?"

Gibbs watched disinterestedly as McGee was dragged out on the dance floor by Ziva, her fingers hooked in the lapels of his tux. Fornell had long since been claimed by some brunette that faintly reminded him of Diane, and was out on the dance floor with her, his sunglasses down over his face again. Come to think of it, the overwhelming majority of the men who had participated in this thing were now out on the dance floor with a partner. Apparently this dancing thing had some sort of appeal to it, if the sultry glances he was receiving were anything to go by.

His musings were interrupted as a manicured hand tapped his shoulder. "What, Jen?"

"I asked if you wanted to dance, Jethro, since you did is oh-so well earlier." Jenny's voice was low and suggestive, her breath ghosting against his ear as she spoke. "Ziva's got a point. I do find it absolutely _sexy_ when a man knows his way around the dance floor."

Gibbs blinked, numbly allowing her to take his hand and pull him onto the dance floor, where she teasingly reached up and lowered the shades over his eyes, giving him a sultry grin. He lowered his hands to her hips and began dancing along to the beat, the faintest of smiles appearing at the corner of his mouth. He suddenly liked dancing a whole lot more.

The last thing he noticed before they spun away to the beat of the hip-hop music, was one Anthony D. DiNozzo, still hog-tied and struggling furiously up on stage.

Maybe he _wouldn't_ kill the kid after all.

* * *

_I don't even **know**. _

_Oh... the music video for this song is on YouTube, if you want to watch it. Search for Will Smith -Black Suits Comin' (Nod Ya Head). _

_I find that this story is made somewhat more ridiculous when you watch and imagine Gibbs dancing to that._

_-meg_


End file.
